Hey there.....

I can't believe I havn't written anything since May....but I guess its cos this blog thing is a lot harder than I thought :-/......especially when you're not a natural writer....or funny like some other people. Oh well....I guess thats not really what I came here for.



Anyway...what has been happening in the life of Passion? well not much really....just stuck with this dissertation business, NOT FUN AT ALL!!! as in really....who's idea was it?? But I guess I have no choice, just got to get on with it.



Im just thinking about the songs that I have just added to my itunes.....and I've decided I listen to quite random music. I've got Duffy's 'Warwick Avenue' playing at the moment, and before that I had 'Bibles, Bibles' (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cr90nKpiGi8)...... followed by some ol' skool All-4-One 'I Swear' with some Coldplay thrown in.

Anyways before I bore myself....I'm goin' to get back to my listening :o)
Happpy Blogging people,

xx Passion xx

is it true...?

Exams...the bane of student life!...well they havnt started yet for me, but with the amount of revision that needs to be done for them.....shoot, i might as well be 'dead' (metaphorically obviously).



Anyways i guess its been a while since I've been here, and as always so much has happened. Not big stuff....but the little things...that I probably shud hav blogged abt at the time....but you know how it is.



The funniest I can remember is the guy who stopped me after we got off the tube....and gave me a business card, on the back of which he had written: ''I think you're really beautiful. I wanted to tell you, but didnt know how. Please can we meet up some time''.......those werent the exact words but somthing to that effect. He even left his number which I thot was too funny. Like I was going to call him, but it entirely made my day!!! Does stuff like that happen to other ppl out there?? hmmmm



On a slightly different and more serious note....while talking to a group of friends recently, we were talking about the issue of ppl being brought up/raised by fathers and mothers that werent biologically related. From many a discussion, it seems to be a quite frequent occurrence....anyway our talk led to the notion that its not possible to love a child who is not ur 'flesh and blood' like one who is. That is not to say that you wont love them at all....you will. Just that the one who is not your biological child will get slightly less than the one who is.



Which made me think.....is this really true?? I guess I will never know...unless I am put in the situation. But I would like to think that as much as in my capabilities, that I would love all my children in the same way.....regardless of whether I gave birth to them or not. Thats what is required right?....I know its possible to have favourites amongst children.....one that you may treat preferentially....but is that to say that you love this one more?



Anyway this was jus a thot that made me think....quite deeply. It almost made me rethink life as I kno it.........



(oh yh...i think i might jus stop with the colour related titles....its way too hard!)

Oh hello.....

Hello ppl...this is assuming anyone has actually stumpled upon my page :o?

But it was while I was reading through certains blogs, that I realised that I hadn't acknowledged my arrival in blogsville!!!!

So I'm saying hello now! Its funny to find myself here actually.......because I was initially 'against' blogs...thinking that it was only for ppl who actually believed there were ppl out there who WANTED to know they're thoughts etc etc.....

But I will be the first to put my hands up and say that I was wrong. Having read a few blogs....I have realised, its not always like that....its about what you make it. Some write because they find it therapeutic....some want to provide info to others......some just do it just because (a category that I fit into...)....

So here I am....not sure how long I'll be here for, but I hope, like I read on another blog, that I'll come back here in a few years and have a retrospective insight into how my life is now.

Welcome blogsville...to the wonderful world of me!

Rays of bright yellow.....

I'm feeling rather good today....very happy in fact. Thank God.

I was beginning to feel the stressof revising for these masters exams, they're on a slightly different level to undergrad exams.....but I really really thank God, cos He's been so faithful. It's all seeming to come together.

And thank God also for this weather......getting up in the morning is so much easier wen the sun is already shining and the sky is blue. Which brings me to a point:

What's with people coming out in their shorts and flip flops already? I kno, here in England, we dont see much sun, but still!!! as in everyone seems to be feeling a certain kinda heat that i'm just not getting. Is there somthing wrong with me I ask?

Which leads to another point......being as i'm spending quite a bit of time in the library..there are certain things that hav started jumping out at me. Why on earth do ppl wear heels to the library?? I'm not talking abt wedge heels or espradilles.....they're kinda ok. I'm talking abt pencil heels......u dnt come to the library to totter abt in ur heels, u're there to sit down n read. and no one cares abt wat shoes u're wearing! Ok....does that seem like i'm a little too concerned? well its something I noticed and it bugs me...jus a little...

Oh...and another thing....wat is with PDAs? I'm not talking about those hald-held organisers...I'm talking abt Public Displays of Affection. As in really.....I don't need u n ur bf in my face smooching while I'm trying to read. like....really...why?! Maybe I'm just not liking it cos my object of affection isn't close at hand....in fact, he's very far....across the Atlantic :(......but yh, I'm thinking PDAs need to be banned. At least till these exams are done......

hmmm....anyways I think thats enough for today.

c ya lata folks *mwah*

A darker shade of blue.....

I missed you today......in fact I missed you a lot. So much so that I thot I was going to cry....to be truthful, the tears came to my eyes. But I couldnt cry....i told myself that I couldnt!!! aBe strong I said.

So wat was I missing....to tell you the truth...I'm not too sure. Was it your sparkly eyes? or your kooky smile with your chipped tooth? or was it the way you hold me? or the way you kiss me with all the love that you have? or the way you hold my hand? put ur head in my lap?.......need I go on?

Even talking to you briefly during the day didnt allay how i felt....if anything it made it worse. Hearing your voice and not being able to be where you are.....

I missed just being with you...like I said to my friend...I just wanted to be with you today, sitting the way we do on the couch... just watching something :-s hmmmmm.....

I miss you baby....so much. I dont know how much longer I can do this for........
Till we see again....

Tint of blue....

Hmmm....so there was a tint of blue today.....

I sit here wanting to cry...not quite sure what I want to say. I think I'll start with sorry. I really thought I had dealt with it....but I guess its not until it randomly comes up that you realise that you havnt....well I guess I havnt.

Its been such a long time....thinking about it now, its almost been 8 years. wow! how time flies! 8 years....enough time to make yourself forget, time to push it to the very back of your mind....time to forgive yourself.

So anyways i'm saying sorry. Sorry that I didnt give it a chance. Sorry that I didnt think it would work. So many ppl I hav come across that took the risk.....and only to see the fruits of their risk. I've told myself that it wasnt the right time....I did the right thing. But I wonder sometimes tho......was it really? How will I ever be sure?....maybe its best not to think about that. oh well.......

They asked me how come I was talking about it so calmly......its not something to get hysterical about. Its something that happened before....I guess the trick is not to let it happen again. Once was bad enough, twice is more than enough......but the pain is still there......the pain is still there..........

I don't know quite how to articulate what I feel. I kinda wish the 1st one hadnt happened.....that I'd have an 8 yr old now. But then I think.....a lot of the positive things that have happened maybe wouldnt have happened....and I dont think i like that idea. But then maybe the 2nd one wouldnt have happened. But same thing...maybe all the good things that have happened since wouldnt hav happened: the wonderful ppl that I have met....the good place that I'm in now. Even the not-so-good things. Hmmmmmm.......all the what ifs.

''I'm giving you back, to where you came from.....but I'm not forgetting who you are''